Unseen on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is quickly approaching. You might be a mama who has living children on Earth and also have a baby in Heaven. You might be a mama to a baby in Heaven and don’t have a child snuggled into your lap. Either way, Mother’s Day brings pain and grief.
If you are a mom who has living children and you are carrying the grief of not all of your babies being here, I’m so sorry. I know this weight. I know the difficulty that it is to carry thankfulness, but also carry intense grief. For me, this Mother’s Day is even more painful because I was due with twins the weekend of Mother’s Day this year. And instead of the joy we should be experiencing, I’m wading through more emotions than I can explain. It takes bravery and strength for you to live each day present with your children here, while missing and honoring your baby that isn’t here. And you are not alone in this struggle. I want to encourage you to communicate with your spouse and family on how you would like to celebrate. If it brings comfort to your heart to talk about your babies, do that. If it brings you comfort to go to cemetery, do that. If it brings you comfort to stay home in pajamas, do that. It isn’t easy carrying it all. And I want to remind you that its okay for holidays to look different for a while if you need them to.
If you are grieving the loss of a baby and you have no living children, Mother’s Day is completely awful for most of you. You are a mama, and nothing will ever make this statement not true. But you find yourself feeling unseen, invisible, and alone. You will very likely go the whole day without family and friends acknowledging you, your motherhood, or your baby. And it doesn’t really matter the reasoning as to why no one says “Happy Mother’s Day” to you. They might not know what to say. They might be afraid to bring up the painful reminder, assuming you aren’t consistently thinking about your baby. They might simply not even think about it. But no matter what the reason is, you’ll be left feeling so alone and unseen. And I want to share a few truths with you, sweet friend:
You are seen. You are a mama to your precious baby, and that matters. Your motherhood counts. And you are no less deserving of a “Happy Mother’s Day” than your mom, sister, aunt. grandma, or friend is. Your story matters. Your baby’s story matters. And while Mother’s Day doesn’t hold the same joy for you as it does for many others - you are worthy to be seen. Your heart is worthy to be loved on. Protect your heart in the coming days. You don’t need a reason or excuse to not to go church on Mother’s Day. I know the pain that comes when all you see are pregnant women and mom’s with multiple children hanging on them at church on the day you feel most forgotten and invisible. Please hear me, love: You don’t need an excuse to not go church, a family gathering, lunch, etc. It is okay to say no. It is okay to stay home and tend to your soul. It is okay to stay home, celebrate your motherhood, honor your baby, and snuggle with your husband.
Your motherhood is deserving of appreciation and celebration. Because no matter how silent and lonely that day might end up feeling - you are a mother. And you are a freaking fantastic, brave mom at that. You have had to live each day carrying the weight of grief that no human should have to carry. You have to fight harder than anyone else to honor and celebrate the life you created that isn’t here. You have to relive the painful memories of losing your baby, and you don’t get to take sweet pictures with them on Mother’s Day to post on social media. You don’t get the opportunity for others to see how lovely your sweet love is growing - because your lap is empty. But my sweet friend, you are still a mama. You live each day with bravery and courage, and you deserve to be celebrated just as much as the mother sitting next to you in church with multiple kids climbing all over her lap. You are no less worthy. Let me say it again in case your heart didn’t hear me. You are no less worthy.
Happy Mother’s Day, to you mama. Happy Mother’s Day.
